Yesterday after my WW's meeting I decided to go shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding in two weeks. I haven't been to a wedding in ages, so I don't already own something suitable that fits. As I watched in horror while the weight piled on after I got sick, I vowed not to buy new clothes unless I absolutely had to. I shopped at Goodwill and the Salvation Army for quite a while until the selection got really weak; I have no idea why it changed. I was punishing myself for having gained weight and I was fully aware of it. As people who know me will tell you, I adopted, and still wear, a uniform of polo shirts & khakis in the summer and turtlenecks & jeans in the winter.
Since joining WW I've been trying to cut myself some slack. I've never enjoyed shopping so it took a lot of rehearsal to prepare myself to shop for a dress. I worked my way through the mall to Lane Bryant, which has great bras but has been a disappointment otherwise. Yesterday's visit was especially disappointing because all the clothes were so dark. It was depressing. I wasn't shopping for a bra, so I left empty-handed.
At JC Penney I found a skirt and blouse, both on sale, that will be OK for the wedding. I knew I was pushing my luck by wanting to buy a summer dress in late July. I don't need to go on that particular rant because I'm hardly the first woman to complain about not being able to buy summer clothes during the summer.
There isn't a lot of good news in this post because I didn't enjoy myself at all. I detested looking at myself in the mirror. I detested having to try on women's sizes. I detested seeing something I liked and not being able to find it in anything close to a size that would fit me.
When I interviewed in July of 1998 at the place I still work, I wore a skirt and and blouse that I really liked. It made me feel good and I knew it showed how tall and slender I was. Two years later, I was diagnosed with the first of the many illnesses that have slowed me down and piled on the pounds I'm now fighting to take off. I'm not as tall now and, obviously, far from slender, but I still have that skirt and blouse and fully intend to wear them comfortably again some day.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Math Phobia?
Aarrrggghhh! I lost 1.4 pounds this week for a total loss of 22.4.
There's a "receptionist" (I hate that term) at my WW's meeting who always has trouble with subtraction. Three weeks ago she struck again and recorded that I'd gain 2 pounds when I had actually gained 3. I've learned to check her math but didn't that week. I finally caught the error today when I was recording my weight in the multiple places I track it.
Sigh. I thought that despite gaining some weight I'd managed to stay below my 10%, but for a couple of weeks I didn't. Not that it matters -- no wait, it does, or I wouldn't be writing about it. It took me a long time to get below 10% and once I got there I thought I'd be able to stay there.
Last week I was on vacation at my dad's house. I neither gained nor lost, which is always a victory after a week with my dad. We go out to breakfast every morning when I visit. I always eat too much when I eat breakfast out, so I have to eat less the rest of the day when I do it. That's hard to do when I'm just hanging out at my dad's condo all day, as we did all week this time. Dad is 82 and starting to slow down.
The way I didn't gain weight was to pay attention to whether I was actually hungry. Without a routine to provide cues, I was better at judging my hunger. I was also more aware of assessing my hunger. Small progress, but progress just the same.
There's a "receptionist" (I hate that term) at my WW's meeting who always has trouble with subtraction. Three weeks ago she struck again and recorded that I'd gain 2 pounds when I had actually gained 3. I've learned to check her math but didn't that week. I finally caught the error today when I was recording my weight in the multiple places I track it.
Sigh. I thought that despite gaining some weight I'd managed to stay below my 10%, but for a couple of weeks I didn't. Not that it matters -- no wait, it does, or I wouldn't be writing about it. It took me a long time to get below 10% and once I got there I thought I'd be able to stay there.
Last week I was on vacation at my dad's house. I neither gained nor lost, which is always a victory after a week with my dad. We go out to breakfast every morning when I visit. I always eat too much when I eat breakfast out, so I have to eat less the rest of the day when I do it. That's hard to do when I'm just hanging out at my dad's condo all day, as we did all week this time. Dad is 82 and starting to slow down.
The way I didn't gain weight was to pay attention to whether I was actually hungry. Without a routine to provide cues, I was better at judging my hunger. I was also more aware of assessing my hunger. Small progress, but progress just the same.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Independence from What?
I gained two pounds this week, for a total of 22 pounds lost. I'm confident I gained all two pounds yesterday. Clearly, I haven't gained my independence from overeating on Independence Day.
I did try to eat reasonably, but the cauliflower salad, bean salad, and potato salad were all too much to resist. And I succumbed to the smell of grilled meat and ate a cheeseburger. In penance, I passed on the brownies (that I had made), although by the time I served the brownies, I wasn't much interested in them.
This menu would not have added two pounds to my weight if I hadn't also overeaten before the cookout. I'm still in the clutches of serious starchy-carb cravings, so when I decided that I should make sure I wasn't hungry when I arrived at the cookout, I went for the pretzels. Pretzels and fat-free (but not calorie-free) cream cheese.
For breakfast, I'd had a ciabatta roll with (fat-free-but-not-calorie-free) cream cheese and pretzels. Mid-day I'd had beans and tomatoes -- low calorie, high fiber, and not satisfying for long enough.
I'd gotten on the scale yesterday morning, so I knew if I could behave myself, I might show a loss for the week. Alas, when I got on the scale this morning before WW, I knew I'd be facing a gain.
The good news in this, of course, is that I can get the two pounds off pretty quickly because some of it must be water-weight gain from all the starchy carbs and salt.
Will I? Actually, yeah, I think I will. I'm about to head out to Michigan to spend a week with Dad; the last time I was out there I managed to finally get him to understand that I really, truly didn't want to go to any breakfast buffets because I'm powerless before them and always eat too much. We avoided the breakfast buffets, I weighed in and went to a meeting out there, and fared pretty well (at least that's how I remember it!).
I did try to eat reasonably, but the cauliflower salad, bean salad, and potato salad were all too much to resist. And I succumbed to the smell of grilled meat and ate a cheeseburger. In penance, I passed on the brownies (that I had made), although by the time I served the brownies, I wasn't much interested in them.
This menu would not have added two pounds to my weight if I hadn't also overeaten before the cookout. I'm still in the clutches of serious starchy-carb cravings, so when I decided that I should make sure I wasn't hungry when I arrived at the cookout, I went for the pretzels. Pretzels and fat-free (but not calorie-free) cream cheese.
For breakfast, I'd had a ciabatta roll with (fat-free-but-not-calorie-free) cream cheese and pretzels. Mid-day I'd had beans and tomatoes -- low calorie, high fiber, and not satisfying for long enough.
I'd gotten on the scale yesterday morning, so I knew if I could behave myself, I might show a loss for the week. Alas, when I got on the scale this morning before WW, I knew I'd be facing a gain.
The good news in this, of course, is that I can get the two pounds off pretty quickly because some of it must be water-weight gain from all the starchy carbs and salt.
Will I? Actually, yeah, I think I will. I'm about to head out to Michigan to spend a week with Dad; the last time I was out there I managed to finally get him to understand that I really, truly didn't want to go to any breakfast buffets because I'm powerless before them and always eat too much. We avoided the breakfast buffets, I weighed in and went to a meeting out there, and fared pretty well (at least that's how I remember it!).
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Going to the Dogs
Lost weight again this week! I lost 1.8 pounds for a total of 24 pounds.
Despite my unrelenting exhaustion, all-over achyness, and sore hips, I started walking the dogs again this week. I told myself that if I got up before 6, I'd walk the dogs. That happened on Thursday. Off we went . . . slowly.
It had been months since the dogs and I had sauntered forth so they had lots of catching up to do. We ambled around the neighborhood for about 20 minutes, Amy & Cody sniffing up the news they'd missed.
We walked yesterday and today, too, always slowly and for about 20 minutes. The good news is that the walks have not made me feel worse afterward. I gave up our walks because they exhausted me (the formal name is "exercise intolerance"). My doctor recommended I start with a 5-minute walk and increase it by 15 seconds a day; Zaphod suggested I use my treadmill; I was so exhausted that I couldn't find the energy to do even that.
So, why can I walk for 20 minutes now? My fibromyalgia hasn't let up much and my sleep isn't any better. I think I've got the energy because I'm not exhausting myself by sitting upright at work. The office recliner I bought about a month ago has made a difference in how I feel at the end of the work day.
I'm still spending most of my time working and recovering from work, but getting out with the dogs is progress.
Despite my unrelenting exhaustion, all-over achyness, and sore hips, I started walking the dogs again this week. I told myself that if I got up before 6, I'd walk the dogs. That happened on Thursday. Off we went . . . slowly.
It had been months since the dogs and I had sauntered forth so they had lots of catching up to do. We ambled around the neighborhood for about 20 minutes, Amy & Cody sniffing up the news they'd missed.
We walked yesterday and today, too, always slowly and for about 20 minutes. The good news is that the walks have not made me feel worse afterward. I gave up our walks because they exhausted me (the formal name is "exercise intolerance"). My doctor recommended I start with a 5-minute walk and increase it by 15 seconds a day; Zaphod suggested I use my treadmill; I was so exhausted that I couldn't find the energy to do even that.
So, why can I walk for 20 minutes now? My fibromyalgia hasn't let up much and my sleep isn't any better. I think I've got the energy because I'm not exhausting myself by sitting upright at work. The office recliner I bought about a month ago has made a difference in how I feel at the end of the work day.
I'm still spending most of my time working and recovering from work, but getting out with the dogs is progress.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Decimated!
Woo Hoo! I finally made it past the 10% mark this week! I lost 2.2 pounds, for a total loss of 22.2 pounds.
And why is this post titled Decimated!? The original meaning of decimate was "to kill one in every ten" or to reduce by a tenth. In recent years the word has been used to mean "to kill in large numbers" or "to reduce by a lot." I like the precision of the original definition, so I try to use it that way -- not that anyone else (besides Zaphod) knows what I'm talking about!
When I told Zaphod I'd been decimated today, he shot back, "Oh, so you've tithed!" Ah, another 10% word. If you follow the hyperlinks, though, you'll find that tithe has so far managed to hang on to the "tenth" portion of its meaning. Hmmm, I wonder why?
I've been looking forward to getting my 10% keychain . . . then I had to look online to figure out how to add my 16-week charm to it! For those of you who are wondering, you pull up then twist the round part of the keychain.
The bookmarks and Bravo stickers have never done much for me, except in the beginning. Karen, my favorite leader, puts the Bravo sticker on the back of your hand instead of just handing it to you. I sometimes wear my Bravo sticker a full day or more before peeling it off. It acts as an anchor for me.
Karen was terrific when I hit the magical 10%. She has long reinforced me for my commitment to attending a meeting every week. She was delighted when I let out an enthusiastic "woo hoo!" when I realized I'd finally hit the 10% mark.
I've been attending Weight Watchers since October 20 of last year -- 36 weeks! Good heavens, that's 8 months! (I suppose, technically, it's 9 months of 4-week months.) No wonder I'm so excited by losing 22 pounds!
As a reward for finally getting the 10% keychain, I took myself off to Border's and bought Hungry Girl a book by the founder of hungry-girl.com. I've been getting her email newsletter for a while and knew that I wanted her book. I'm looking forward to delving into it.
I also bought Fibromyalgia for Dummies because I've wanted it since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and read that it's a good book for the newly diagnosed -- but I don't consider it a reward for hitting the 10% mark. My weight loss motto is currently "I'm sick and tired but I'd rather be sick and thin." Another WW veteran's motto is "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." I like her motto better than mine.
And why is this post titled Decimated!? The original meaning of decimate was "to kill one in every ten" or to reduce by a tenth. In recent years the word has been used to mean "to kill in large numbers" or "to reduce by a lot." I like the precision of the original definition, so I try to use it that way -- not that anyone else (besides Zaphod) knows what I'm talking about!
When I told Zaphod I'd been decimated today, he shot back, "Oh, so you've tithed!" Ah, another 10% word. If you follow the hyperlinks, though, you'll find that tithe has so far managed to hang on to the "tenth" portion of its meaning. Hmmm, I wonder why?
I've been looking forward to getting my 10% keychain . . . then I had to look online to figure out how to add my 16-week charm to it! For those of you who are wondering, you pull up then twist the round part of the keychain.
The bookmarks and Bravo stickers have never done much for me, except in the beginning. Karen, my favorite leader, puts the Bravo sticker on the back of your hand instead of just handing it to you. I sometimes wear my Bravo sticker a full day or more before peeling it off. It acts as an anchor for me.
Karen was terrific when I hit the magical 10%. She has long reinforced me for my commitment to attending a meeting every week. She was delighted when I let out an enthusiastic "woo hoo!" when I realized I'd finally hit the 10% mark.
I've been attending Weight Watchers since October 20 of last year -- 36 weeks! Good heavens, that's 8 months! (I suppose, technically, it's 9 months of 4-week months.) No wonder I'm so excited by losing 22 pounds!
As a reward for finally getting the 10% keychain, I took myself off to Border's and bought Hungry Girl a book by the founder of hungry-girl.com. I've been getting her email newsletter for a while and knew that I wanted her book. I'm looking forward to delving into it.
I also bought Fibromyalgia for Dummies because I've wanted it since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and read that it's a good book for the newly diagnosed -- but I don't consider it a reward for hitting the 10% mark. My weight loss motto is currently "I'm sick and tired but I'd rather be sick and thin." Another WW veteran's motto is "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." I like her motto better than mine.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Progress?
This week I gained 1.2 pounds, so my loss is back down to 20 pounds, but I think I'm making some progress.
I knew I would have a weight gain because I succumbed to carb cravings last weekend. Once I gave in to them last Saturday, I was a goner for the rest of the weekend. I did manage to control the cravings during the work week, but they never really subsided.
Carb cravings were once a sign of hormonal changes for me, although I've always loved my starchy carbs. I'm well into perimenopause, though, so one might think that they'd start to fade. Yeah, right.
Last night I had to stay up late (for me) to continue saliva collection I'd been doing throughout the week. Then I had to wake-up-but-not-get-up at 2:30 a.m. for the final collection, which in my grogginess took a full half-hour. I was a wreck this morning (still am, but at least I'm marginally coherent after a nap).
I got moving earlier than usual this morning because I'd had such a lousy night's sleep after the collection, so I stopped by Target after doing the laundry and before my WW meeting. After selecting some wine glasses that were relatively inexpensive (fibromyalgia has been really hard on my glassware) and would fit in my dishwasher, I cruised the snack aisles before realizing that -- of course! -- I was there for Fritos! I'd been smelling them in my memory. I long ago gave up Fritos as an indulgence because they're too salty and have too much fat.
I snatched up the smallest bag I could find and went off to my WW meeting.
And it was there that I finally figured out part of what might be going on. After limping through the early part of the week, on Thursday I learned that I've developed arthritis in my left hip and in my spine. I probably have it in my right hip, too, but not as badly. My grandmother had arthritis. My mother had arthritis. My mother also had a weight problem, an underactive thyroid, chronic fatigue, depression, and (probably) fibromyalgia.
At today's meeting, we talked about how we indulge ourselves. It was during the discussion that it dawned on me that I was craving Fritos because they were a comfort food from my childhood. Fritos and Squirt were a favorite treat of mine. (Squirt is a citrus-y soda pop.)
I came home, weighed the Fritos I ate, then entered them into eTools instead of taking the bag to my favorite chair and dipping in while I read the Saturday paper. That's progress.
I knew I would have a weight gain because I succumbed to carb cravings last weekend. Once I gave in to them last Saturday, I was a goner for the rest of the weekend. I did manage to control the cravings during the work week, but they never really subsided.
Carb cravings were once a sign of hormonal changes for me, although I've always loved my starchy carbs. I'm well into perimenopause, though, so one might think that they'd start to fade. Yeah, right.
Last night I had to stay up late (for me) to continue saliva collection I'd been doing throughout the week. Then I had to wake-up-but-not-get-up at 2:30 a.m. for the final collection, which in my grogginess took a full half-hour. I was a wreck this morning (still am, but at least I'm marginally coherent after a nap).
I got moving earlier than usual this morning because I'd had such a lousy night's sleep after the collection, so I stopped by Target after doing the laundry and before my WW meeting. After selecting some wine glasses that were relatively inexpensive (fibromyalgia has been really hard on my glassware) and would fit in my dishwasher, I cruised the snack aisles before realizing that -- of course! -- I was there for Fritos! I'd been smelling them in my memory. I long ago gave up Fritos as an indulgence because they're too salty and have too much fat.
I snatched up the smallest bag I could find and went off to my WW meeting.
And it was there that I finally figured out part of what might be going on. After limping through the early part of the week, on Thursday I learned that I've developed arthritis in my left hip and in my spine. I probably have it in my right hip, too, but not as badly. My grandmother had arthritis. My mother had arthritis. My mother also had a weight problem, an underactive thyroid, chronic fatigue, depression, and (probably) fibromyalgia.
At today's meeting, we talked about how we indulge ourselves. It was during the discussion that it dawned on me that I was craving Fritos because they were a comfort food from my childhood. Fritos and Squirt were a favorite treat of mine. (Squirt is a citrus-y soda pop.)
I came home, weighed the Fritos I ate, then entered them into eTools instead of taking the bag to my favorite chair and dipping in while I read the Saturday paper. That's progress.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
I Think I Can, I Think I Can
Woo hoo! Lost 3.6 pounds last week for a total of 21.2! I'm sneaking up on that 10% mark again.
I can't take all the credit, though. I increased my Ritalin dosage, which seems to make weight magically drop off. That's one side effect that does not bother me. (Oh, really?)
I did track pretty carefully all week and it does make a difference.
The WW person who weighed me (Are they called "receptionists"? Silly name) told me I'd lost 2.4 pounds. That made me pretty happy. Then I started to look at the numbers and I could tell that something wasn't right. It took me a while to figure out where the problem was (FibroFog this a.m.): her math. She's had trouble getting the weight change correct in the past. Now I know I need to check her math every time. Otherwise, she's fine.
My fibromyalgia is acting up this morning, so my brain is pretty slow despite the morning dose of Ritalin. And I ache all over, even though Ritalin has another nice side effect of reducing my achyness. Ritalin helps me to think more clearly and concentrate, but it doesn't make me any less tired. For Ritalin to be truly addictive for me (it's a Schedule II drug, which means it's addiction potential is pretty high), it would have to give me some energy. OK, OK, maybe it will when I increase the dosage again, which I'll probably have to do.
Small Victory of the Week: I saw my PCP, Allison, this week. She actually asked if I'd lost weight! She hadn't seen the weight the nurse recorded. I thanked her for noticing, then we found that I'd lost 20 pounds since I'd last seen her. It's nice to know that a 20-pound weight loss is noticeable.
I can't take all the credit, though. I increased my Ritalin dosage, which seems to make weight magically drop off. That's one side effect that does not bother me. (Oh, really?)
I did track pretty carefully all week and it does make a difference.
The WW person who weighed me (Are they called "receptionists"? Silly name) told me I'd lost 2.4 pounds. That made me pretty happy. Then I started to look at the numbers and I could tell that something wasn't right. It took me a while to figure out where the problem was (FibroFog this a.m.): her math. She's had trouble getting the weight change correct in the past. Now I know I need to check her math every time. Otherwise, she's fine.
My fibromyalgia is acting up this morning, so my brain is pretty slow despite the morning dose of Ritalin. And I ache all over, even though Ritalin has another nice side effect of reducing my achyness. Ritalin helps me to think more clearly and concentrate, but it doesn't make me any less tired. For Ritalin to be truly addictive for me (it's a Schedule II drug, which means it's addiction potential is pretty high), it would have to give me some energy. OK, OK, maybe it will when I increase the dosage again, which I'll probably have to do.
Small Victory of the Week: I saw my PCP, Allison, this week. She actually asked if I'd lost weight! She hadn't seen the weight the nurse recorded. I thanked her for noticing, then we found that I'd lost 20 pounds since I'd last seen her. It's nice to know that a 20-pound weight loss is noticeable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
