Freshman 15 Must Now Be Freshman 25

OK, so my total weight loss is currently at 23.4 pounds. I haven't written for over a month because I just didn't. I'm not sure why. I'm still hard at it and am ever-so-slowly re-approaching that 25-pound loss I achieved, oh, um, last August.

I did very well after the last post, losing every week until this past week when I put on 1.4 pounds. The thing that trips me up every time is eating away from home. As long as I plan and prepare my meals, I do fine. Once I go out to eat, though, I struggle.

Last week we had a staff retreat at Colby College, a private school in central Maine. Private schools, I have learned, pride themselves on their food. Colby is no exception (although Bowdoin College students will proudly boast that their food has been ranked the best in the country). We've been to Colby for three years now and the food was not as good this year, although the variety was still astonishing compared to my college experience in the 1970s.

I'm convinced that students now have to battle the Freshman 25 instead of the Freshman 15. The Colby dining hall is organized into "stations" (my word; I have no idea what the food-service folks would call them). There's the salad bar, which included potato salad and cottage cheese, among all the veggies. There's the pizza & pasta zone, the fried/grilled area, the ice cream (soft & hard serve -- available at every meal) zone, and so forth.

I knew I'd be facing the dining hall along with all the munchies later when the staff got together to party. I planned ahead. I was going to eat sensibly but allow myself to have some soft-serve ice cream. I love soft-serve ice cream and generally don't all myself to succumb to its charms (hence my assertion that it has got to be the Freshman 25 these days). In addition, I bought some Fritos, looked up the Points value and promised myself I'd eat only two handfuls (about 4 Points).

My planning was not for naught because I did eat reasonable portions of soft-serve ice cream and I did eat no more than two handfuls of Fritos. So why did I gain weight? Because I couldn't balance the other things I ate. I typically eat whole grains for breakfast and lunch along with vegetables -- I couldn't get the whole grains I needed to help me to feel full. So I over-ate.

Saturday night I went to Hadlock Field for a Sea Dogs game. We had dinner there, so I faced another eating-out dilemma. Food choices at a baseball game are typically poor and this was no exception. I weigh-in on Saturday mornings, so I have the rest of the week to recover from that mis-adventure. The problem is that once I eat poorly more than a day or two, I have serious trouble getting back on track. I prefer to eat well. I feel better when I eat well. But once I start to eat poorly, it's very hard to stop because I begin to crave those poor foods in unhealthful quantities.

Today is Monday and I'll nestle into the comforting arms of routine . . . except for tomorrow morning when I'm going out for breakfast.

Crazy-Busy But Back on Track

I truly am crazy-busy. I can't even think too much about all I have to do because it might paralyze me. And it's not going to let up any time soon.

After that awful 6.6-pound gain, I got back on plan and have lost it all and a bit more. I'm now back to where I was on April 11. Whew!

The irony of being crazy-busy, having fibromyalgia, and trying to lose weight is this: Being crazy-busy is exhausting. Exhaustion make fibro worse. Worse fibro means lots of time in my recliner. Lots of time in my recliner makes me hungry. Why? Because being exhausted and having a fibro flare means I'm not good for much of anything. Reading is difficult. Concentration is almost impossible. But eating? Oh yeah, baby! That's very possible!

So now I've seen losses two weeks in a row. I recall when I had losses six weeks in a row. I'm sorry I noticed it because I started the up-down-up-down pattern I'm in now after I noticed it. I might be on track for longer this time, though. I'm reconciled to tracking. Despite my exhaustion I'm thinking (only thinking, mind you) about how to move more.

And I'm thinking about how I sabotage myself.

One way I sabotage myself is with dinner. By the time I get home from work or rouse myself on the weekend to prepare dinner, I want what's easy but not necessarily what's tasty. Food that isn't satisfying tempts me to "cheat," i.e., eat quantities of foods I don't really enjoy.

Knowing that dinner is a problem, I've been looking for recipes that I can either make ahead or are very quick to prepare. Because I prefer to eat vegetarian, I'm currently experimenting with tofu. Just the experimentation keeps me interested and less likely to glom down fat and sugar.

I know better than to believe that I've finally found my weight-loss "handle," that doorknob that opens the way to effortless weight loss. But I've maintained my record of never missing a Weight Watchers meeting since I joined and I still believe I'm better off now than before WW. That qualifies as "on track," don't you think?

Struggling

Last week was a truly awful week for weight loss. I gained 6.6 pounds. My total loss is down to 14.6 pounds. Obviously, I haven't overcome the mental obstacle I referred to in my last post. And at least I had the sense in that post to acknowledge I might not have gotten fully on board with the program.

Since I last posted, I've been up and down -- mostly up. This past week, though, was the worst. As I said at the meeting this morning, I did everything wrong. OK, so maybe I didn't do every single thing wrong, but once you read through my litany of mis-steps, you'll agree with me.

I tracked last Saturday and Sunday. So far, so good.

Then I launched into a work week of preparing to implement a new computer system. Our project manager flew in for the week and I was determined to learn as much as possible while he was here. Right. Little did I know that instead he would spend most of the week sucking knowledge out of my brain.

We met for breakfast on Monday then went out to lunch every day. We indulged in Italian sandwiches, diner food, pub fare, and fried seafood. I think I've fulfilled my potato quota for the next five years.

Lunch out every day should not equate to a six-pound gain, even as poorly as I ate. Four pounds, maybe, but not six.

The compounding factors were that I arrived at lunch famished every day because I hadn't snacked as I usually do. During a typical work day, I'll eat an apple or orange if I get hungry mid-morning or mid-afternoon. I was concentrating so intently that I didn't notice my hunger until I was well past hungry.

The project manager, clearly a sugar hound, plunked down large bags of chocolate for us to share (he also indulged in Pepsi a couple of times a day). I never succumbed to the chocolate temptation, so at least I did one thing right.

We worked late every night. That meant I never ate a decent dinner because I was too tired to cook. And it also meant that I didn't get enough sleep because I stayed up late to let my brain cool down.

And I got even less exercise than usual.

Despite all this and the 6.6-pound gain, I'm not discouraged. Struggling? Yes. Discouraged? No. I know why I gained 6.6 pounds this week. I also know what it takes to get it off and get back on track. I fully expect to lose most, if not all, of the gain in the next week.

Mind Over Matter

I lost 3.4 pounds this week for a total loss of 22.4 pounds. It's, um, been a while since I've seen this weight on the scale.

Was I happy? Are you kidding? I was ecstatic!

How did this happen? Oh, gee, I did something very simple (and very difficult): I tracked. Yep, followed the rules.

Am I surprised? No way. Since my first diet at the age of 14? 15? 16? I've known that the way to lose weight is to count calories.

The only time I did not have to count calories was when my thyroid "mal-functioned" and gave me energy and the ability to eat sensibly. Silly me, I thought I'd figured out how to keep my weight down and my energy up by exercising and eating well.

My thyroid crashed nine years ago and I've been trying to find a way to live with the change ever since. Oh, I've had some other physical challenges along the way -- Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, periodic leg movement disorder (a sleep disorder), restless leg syndrome, depression, chronic fatigue -- but the primary challenge as far as my weight is concerned has been mental. I just could not make myself stick to a program.

I joined Weight Watchers because I knew I could no longer manage my weight without help. And so I've kept at it regardless of the numbers on the scale because I know I'll probably never be able to go it alone again.

One week's tracking doesn't mean I've overcome the mental obstacle that has made it so difficult for me to track. Still, it's the most disciplined tracking I've achieved since I joined Weight Watchers in October of 2007.

Tomorrow I'm flying to Michigan to see family. It's a full day of eating challenges. I've bought, counted, and prepared a day's worth of meals and snacks that should help me avoid the temptations of airport food. Next I'll face a full week of eating challenges because I'll be eating out a lot while in Michigan.

I've just learned that I might not have Internet access for a while in Michigan. What? No eTools? Yikes! Regardless of how I do without eTools and what I see on the scales at my next weigh-in, I know I'll be back to tracking ASAP.

New Resolve

I haven't posted for a while because I've been doing so poorly. My current weight loss is 19 pounds. I gained three weeks in a row. I was definitely disheartened.

Then I did two things.

First, I realized that I've got to work the program. I just have to. There are lots of other things I'd like to improve about myself but I've decided that weight loss gets top priority. For me, working the program means tracking; as much as I like the idea of Simply Filling Technique (still a lousy name compared to Core), I can't seem to stick to it right now.

After last Saturday's meeting, I knew I just had to knuckle down and start tracking. I've often started the week with the paper tracker but never finished a week with it. I'm rarely far from a computer so I'm tracking completely online with eTools. This is Day 3 of my New Resolve and I've stuck to the program so far.

The second thing I did was to realize that I needed to treat my Lyme disease. I have chronic Lyme, which some physicians say doesn't exist. Well, maybe it doesn't exist for some people but it definitely exists for me. I continue to test positive for Lyme and I still have symptoms despite five years of daily antibiotics.

About a year ago, I decided I'd had it with all the pills and the rigorous schedule (four times a day, evenly spaced, no dairy or minerals taken within two hours either side of taking the antibiotics . . . you get the idea). So I stopped.

I'd been thinking for a while that I needed to do a short course of antibiotics to clear my system. Last week I finally finished up all the annual reporting projects I had on my plate and decided to take antibiotics for four days. It had occurred to me that I couldn't stick with the program because those nasty Lyme critters were interfering with my willpower.

When one takes antibiotics, many of the bugs die at once and release toxins that make one sicker than before. It's called a herx (short for Jarisch-Herxheimer reaction, first observed with syphilis patients) and it's miserable.

After four days of aches and pains and brain fog, I'm feeling much better. And I'm having no trouble sticking to my New Resolve!

Doldrums

Lost 1.4 pounds this week for a total loss of 22 pounds, but this comes after a 2-pound gain last week, so there's not much to celebrate.

At today's meeting, a woman shared that she's going through a really hard time right now and just getting to the meeting was a major chore because she's gaining weight. She sees the numbers on the scale increasing and she despairs of stopping the gain. She, like so many of us, has gained and lost and gained and lost our entire lives. She knows she's under a lot of stress and depressed and found it really hard to hear people describe their successes during "sharing time."

Aside: Does "sharing time" have a formal name? Every meeting starts with it and people tend to focus on their successes instead of their failures. I'm blabby so I have something to say almost every week, gain or lose. I usually start thinking about my weight-loss week on Friday (sometimes earlier) and what I've noticed about my week. For me, sharing something reinforces the observations I've made. I'm often the first one to speak because I'm not shy about speaking in public and I know that someone needs to prime the pump. Okay, back to this week's meeting.

That resulted in a fabulous discussion that included a hug for her, tears for others, and a recognition for me (that I voiced, of course) that I show up every week because regardless of how I'm doing, I know WW is a safe place to talk about what's going on and I'll hear at least one thing at the weekly meeting that resonates with me.

By the way, I always weigh in because

1. weigh-ins are between the weigher and me, no one else;
2. no one is ever judgmental about gains or losses (although I've heard from a woman who attended years ago that her weight and gain/loss was loudly proclaimed to others -- can that really have been company policy?), and;
3. the feedback makes a difference. If I gain, it always gives me pause and affects how I shop and plan for the next week.

This past week I was felled by a nasty cold and I'm sure that's why I lost weight. I felt so rotten that there were times when I just couldn't think of anything appealing to eat even though I was hungry.

I'm close to a major weight milestone for me (and have been for months) and I know I need to make a commitment to reaching that weight as a goal. The days are longer now, which always improves my mood, so maybe I can get serious about how to stay on plan long enough to see the scale hit the magic number.

Back on Track?

I lost 1.4 pounds this week and 2.4 pounds the week before, for a total loss of 22.6 pounds. I've erased that nasty three-pound gain from two weeks ago.

I was delighted to lose weight two weeks in a row. And everyone knew it! How could they not? I let out a big YES! with a fist pump. I heard someone say, "That must be good." No shrinking violet, I, when it comes to a success.

I haven't lost weight two weeks in a row since the end of November. I haven't been at this weight since before Christmas. I'd like to think that I've finally adjusted to Momentum, but I know better than to be cocky.

In fact, I think I started to have trouble the week I noticed that I'd lost weight six weeks in a row. Oh yeah, I definitely was cocky then.

Last week's meeting was run by a woman who'd lost 190 pounds. 190! She wasn't much of a leader but she was inspirational. She's probably new at it -- last week may well have been her first meeting -- and I always feel for new leaders who come to our meeting. Kaitlyn is an excellent leader, my current favorite. She's funny, informative, and motivational; definitely a tough act to follow.

But, last week's leader asked people to commit to a goal for the coming week. I committed to not engaging in comfort eating in the evening after some very, very long days I had last week. And I stuck to it. So, new-leader-whose-name-I-can't-remember, thank you!