So I made it into the ranks of the overweight, managed to stay there for a couple of months, then bounced back into being obese. The worst of my weight gain has been in the past three weeks. Why?
The answer is easy: Duh-uh, I'm eating too much.
This is not news to me. It didn't require tracking, searching self-analysis, or clinical intervention. I know I'm eating too much and eating poorly. I also have absolutely no willpower or discipline right now. I've been working 50-60+ hours per week for so long (since April) and my schedule has been disrupted so frequently (especially since November 1 when I also started traveling) that I just don't care.
But I do see a light at the end of this long, long tunnel. I should be able to reduce my work hours some after the first week in January. I might even get some time off in February. I know I need much more than a week, or even two, to feel rested and refreshed. I also know that once my schedule starts to settle down the second week in January I'll be able to start taking steps back to the healthy, reasonable eating I was doing in September.
It took me a long time to get back to being simply overweight. I've risen to obesity so fast this time that I clearly remember how it felt to weigh less. I'm hoping that memory will drive me back to being overweight much faster this time around.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
I Have Joined the Ranks of the Overweight!
I never thought I'd be thrilled to be overweight, but I am today. I lost 3.2 pounds this week for a total loss of 31.6 pounds AND my BMI is now 29.9.
I am not obese!
When I started to come to grips with my expanding girth, the hardest thing to digest was my obesity. One of medical diagnoses is obesity, which was difficult to see on a doctor's chart. Obesity has never been part of my self-concept. Being overweight, yes; obese, no.
As I approached and achieved each goal on my way to this point, I started to think more often about not wanting to be obese any longer. After turning a new century, I thought becoming overweight would be not far behind. It was only three pounds away, after all.
As with all things weight-related for me, I have to learn the same lesson over and over again: Wishing won't make it so. Only consistently following my program, which now include Weight Watchers, will work and it's going to take way, way longer than I ever anticipate.
For today, though, I'm thrilled! And later, I'll be off to shop for non-stick cookie sheets; I've become hooked on roasted vegetables and my cookie sheets are not only not non-stick, they're disreputable. Out with the old and warped, in with the new and non-stick!
When I started to come to grips with my expanding girth, the hardest thing to digest was my obesity. One of medical diagnoses is obesity, which was difficult to see on a doctor's chart. Obesity has never been part of my self-concept. Being overweight, yes; obese, no.
As I approached and achieved each goal on my way to this point, I started to think more often about not wanting to be obese any longer. After turning a new century, I thought becoming overweight would be not far behind. It was only three pounds away, after all.
As with all things weight-related for me, I have to learn the same lesson over and over again: Wishing won't make it so. Only consistently following my program, which now include Weight Watchers, will work and it's going to take way, way longer than I ever anticipate.
For today, though, I'm thrilled! And later, I'll be off to shop for non-stick cookie sheets; I've become hooked on roasted vegetables and my cookie sheets are not only not non-stick, they're disreputable. Out with the old and warped, in with the new and non-stick!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Another Sigh
So I hit the new century and thought the Land of Overweight couldn't be far away. I'm still in ObeseVille.
I really thought I'd see my BMI go below obese this week. I tracked. I ate well. I went out for breakfast and didn't succumb to the lure of an omlette. And I gained weight. I'm now threatening to return to that old century. No! Not that!
My leader decided it was because I wore long pants today instead of the shorts I've worn all summer. I think of them as my weigh-in jeans. They're lighter than most jeans and I wear them almost exclusively on weigh-in day. I also wore socks for the first time in months. I gained 1.6 pounds.
Even if my clothing choices are the source of the gain, it still means I didn't lose. So now I'm trying to catch any sneaky Points that I haven't tracked. Kaitlin mentioned "bites, licks, and tastes" (BLTs - groan) today so I've been on the alert for those, too.
I'm not as disappointed as this may sound. I know that I'll get back on track. It's just that right now I'm not sure what getting back on track means! Wait. That sounds worse than I mean it. I know I'll get back on track, especially after a second weigh-in wearing my weigh-in jeans and another week of staying on plan; a weight gain then will tell me I need to look very, very closely at what I'm doing. There. That's better.
I found a terrific Weight Watchers recipe on their website that I'm cooking tonight. I just know even before making it that I'm going to love it. Check out Sweet Potato & Onion Salad. I have no idea why they call it a "salad" because it seems like a side dish to me.
I really thought I'd see my BMI go below obese this week. I tracked. I ate well. I went out for breakfast and didn't succumb to the lure of an omlette. And I gained weight. I'm now threatening to return to that old century. No! Not that!
My leader decided it was because I wore long pants today instead of the shorts I've worn all summer. I think of them as my weigh-in jeans. They're lighter than most jeans and I wear them almost exclusively on weigh-in day. I also wore socks for the first time in months. I gained 1.6 pounds.
Even if my clothing choices are the source of the gain, it still means I didn't lose. So now I'm trying to catch any sneaky Points that I haven't tracked. Kaitlin mentioned "bites, licks, and tastes" (BLTs - groan) today so I've been on the alert for those, too.
I'm not as disappointed as this may sound. I know that I'll get back on track. It's just that right now I'm not sure what getting back on track means! Wait. That sounds worse than I mean it. I know I'll get back on track, especially after a second weigh-in wearing my weigh-in jeans and another week of staying on plan; a weight gain then will tell me I need to look very, very closely at what I'm doing. There. That's better.
I found a terrific Weight Watchers recipe on their website that I'm cooking tonight. I just know even before making it that I'm going to love it. Check out Sweet Potato & Onion Salad. I have no idea why they call it a "salad" because it seems like a side dish to me.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Hurry Up and . . . Wait
After I passed the century mark, I thought it would be easy to hit the overweight (not obese) mark. Wrong.
A variety of things -- Lyme disease primarily -- have gotten in the way, but I'm slowly making progress toward my next goal. My BMI is currently 30.1. To be overweight and not obese, it needs to go below 30. So close!
I love the Camelbak Insulated bottle I got to reward myself for passing the century mark. I keep changing my mind about how I'll reward myself for becoming overweight, so I suppose it's OK (not) that I haven't gotten there yet.
A variety of things -- Lyme disease primarily -- have gotten in the way, but I'm slowly making progress toward my next goal. My BMI is currently 30.1. To be overweight and not obese, it needs to go below 30. So close!
I love the Camelbak Insulated bottle I got to reward myself for passing the century mark. I keep changing my mind about how I'll reward myself for becoming overweight, so I suppose it's OK (not) that I haven't gotten there yet.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
It's a New Century!
I joined Weight Watchers in October, 2007. I have not missed a single weekly weigh-in or meeting. And now, at last, after 22 months of "Stop Dieting. Start Living" I have seen the scale go below 200!
The significance of confessing that I once weighed over 200 pounds should not be underestimated. I have never shared my weight with anyone but my doctor and Weight Watchers.
Wait, that's not true. I do recall that back in the mists of time I actually had a wall chart for tracking my weight the summer after my freshman year in college. I lost 20 pounds that summer and discovered, for the first time, the pleasure of not being self-conscious about my weight. That was the last time I was at all forthcoming about how much I weighed.
One can't attend a meeting every week for 22 months and not be affected. I have actually given up my habit of weighing myself every morning upon arising. I'm content to see what the scale says when I weigh-in before the meeting. And, as evidenced by this entry, I'm slowly becoming less self-conscious about the number itself.
Staying true to the dictum not to celebrate weight loss by eating, I'm going to treat myself to a Camelbak insulated water bottle. As the magic number neared, I thought about how to celebrate it and settled on the water bottle. And now I'm off to order one . . .
The significance of confessing that I once weighed over 200 pounds should not be underestimated. I have never shared my weight with anyone but my doctor and Weight Watchers.
Wait, that's not true. I do recall that back in the mists of time I actually had a wall chart for tracking my weight the summer after my freshman year in college. I lost 20 pounds that summer and discovered, for the first time, the pleasure of not being self-conscious about my weight. That was the last time I was at all forthcoming about how much I weighed.
One can't attend a meeting every week for 22 months and not be affected. I have actually given up my habit of weighing myself every morning upon arising. I'm content to see what the scale says when I weigh-in before the meeting. And, as evidenced by this entry, I'm slowly becoming less self-conscious about the number itself.
Staying true to the dictum not to celebrate weight loss by eating, I'm going to treat myself to a Camelbak insulated water bottle. As the magic number neared, I thought about how to celebrate it and settled on the water bottle. And now I'm off to order one . . .
Monday, June 22, 2009
Freshman 15 Must Now Be Freshman 25
OK, so my total weight loss is currently at 23.4 pounds. I haven't written for over a month because I just didn't. I'm not sure why. I'm still hard at it and am ever-so-slowly re-approaching that 25-pound loss I achieved, oh, um, last August.
I did very well after the last post, losing every week until this past week when I put on 1.4 pounds. The thing that trips me up every time is eating away from home. As long as I plan and prepare my meals, I do fine. Once I go out to eat, though, I struggle.
Last week we had a staff retreat at Colby College, a private school in central Maine. Private schools, I have learned, pride themselves on their food. Colby is no exception (although Bowdoin College students will proudly boast that their food has been ranked the best in the country). We've been to Colby for three years now and the food was not as good this year, although the variety was still astonishing compared to my college experience in the 1970s.
I'm convinced that students now have to battle the Freshman 25 instead of the Freshman 15. The Colby dining hall is organized into "stations" (my word; I have no idea what the food-service folks would call them). There's the salad bar, which included potato salad and cottage cheese, among all the veggies. There's the pizza & pasta zone, the fried/grilled area, the ice cream (soft & hard serve -- available at every meal) zone, and so forth.
I knew I'd be facing the dining hall along with all the munchies later when the staff got together to party. I planned ahead. I was going to eat sensibly but allow myself to have some soft-serve ice cream. I love soft-serve ice cream and generally don't all myself to succumb to its charms (hence my assertion that it has got to be the Freshman 25 these days). In addition, I bought some Fritos, looked up the Points value and promised myself I'd eat only two handfuls (about 4 Points).
My planning was not for naught because I did eat reasonable portions of soft-serve ice cream and I did eat no more than two handfuls of Fritos. So why did I gain weight? Because I couldn't balance the other things I ate. I typically eat whole grains for breakfast and lunch along with vegetables -- I couldn't get the whole grains I needed to help me to feel full. So I over-ate.
Saturday night I went to Hadlock Field for a Sea Dogs game. We had dinner there, so I faced another eating-out dilemma. Food choices at a baseball game are typically poor and this was no exception. I weigh-in on Saturday mornings, so I have the rest of the week to recover from that mis-adventure. The problem is that once I eat poorly more than a day or two, I have serious trouble getting back on track. I prefer to eat well. I feel better when I eat well. But once I start to eat poorly, it's very hard to stop because I begin to crave those poor foods in unhealthful quantities.
Today is Monday and I'll nestle into the comforting arms of routine . . . except for tomorrow morning when I'm going out for breakfast.
I did very well after the last post, losing every week until this past week when I put on 1.4 pounds. The thing that trips me up every time is eating away from home. As long as I plan and prepare my meals, I do fine. Once I go out to eat, though, I struggle.
Last week we had a staff retreat at Colby College, a private school in central Maine. Private schools, I have learned, pride themselves on their food. Colby is no exception (although Bowdoin College students will proudly boast that their food has been ranked the best in the country). We've been to Colby for three years now and the food was not as good this year, although the variety was still astonishing compared to my college experience in the 1970s.
I'm convinced that students now have to battle the Freshman 25 instead of the Freshman 15. The Colby dining hall is organized into "stations" (my word; I have no idea what the food-service folks would call them). There's the salad bar, which included potato salad and cottage cheese, among all the veggies. There's the pizza & pasta zone, the fried/grilled area, the ice cream (soft & hard serve -- available at every meal) zone, and so forth.
I knew I'd be facing the dining hall along with all the munchies later when the staff got together to party. I planned ahead. I was going to eat sensibly but allow myself to have some soft-serve ice cream. I love soft-serve ice cream and generally don't all myself to succumb to its charms (hence my assertion that it has got to be the Freshman 25 these days). In addition, I bought some Fritos, looked up the Points value and promised myself I'd eat only two handfuls (about 4 Points).
My planning was not for naught because I did eat reasonable portions of soft-serve ice cream and I did eat no more than two handfuls of Fritos. So why did I gain weight? Because I couldn't balance the other things I ate. I typically eat whole grains for breakfast and lunch along with vegetables -- I couldn't get the whole grains I needed to help me to feel full. So I over-ate.
Saturday night I went to Hadlock Field for a Sea Dogs game. We had dinner there, so I faced another eating-out dilemma. Food choices at a baseball game are typically poor and this was no exception. I weigh-in on Saturday mornings, so I have the rest of the week to recover from that mis-adventure. The problem is that once I eat poorly more than a day or two, I have serious trouble getting back on track. I prefer to eat well. I feel better when I eat well. But once I start to eat poorly, it's very hard to stop because I begin to crave those poor foods in unhealthful quantities.
Today is Monday and I'll nestle into the comforting arms of routine . . . except for tomorrow morning when I'm going out for breakfast.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Crazy-Busy But Back on Track
I truly am crazy-busy. I can't even think too much about all I have to do because it might paralyze me. And it's not going to let up any time soon.
After that awful 6.6-pound gain, I got back on plan and have lost it all and a bit more. I'm now back to where I was on April 11. Whew!
The irony of being crazy-busy, having fibromyalgia, and trying to lose weight is this: Being crazy-busy is exhausting. Exhaustion make fibro worse. Worse fibro means lots of time in my recliner. Lots of time in my recliner makes me hungry. Why? Because being exhausted and having a fibro flare means I'm not good for much of anything. Reading is difficult. Concentration is almost impossible. But eating? Oh yeah, baby! That's very possible!
So now I've seen losses two weeks in a row. I recall when I had losses six weeks in a row. I'm sorry I noticed it because I started the up-down-up-down pattern I'm in now after I noticed it. I might be on track for longer this time, though. I'm reconciled to tracking. Despite my exhaustion I'm thinking (only thinking, mind you) about how to move more.
And I'm thinking about how I sabotage myself.
One way I sabotage myself is with dinner. By the time I get home from work or rouse myself on the weekend to prepare dinner, I want what's easy but not necessarily what's tasty. Food that isn't satisfying tempts me to "cheat," i.e., eat quantities of foods I don't really enjoy.
Knowing that dinner is a problem, I've been looking for recipes that I can either make ahead or are very quick to prepare. Because I prefer to eat vegetarian, I'm currently experimenting with tofu. Just the experimentation keeps me interested and less likely to glom down fat and sugar.
I know better than to believe that I've finally found my weight-loss "handle," that doorknob that opens the way to effortless weight loss. But I've maintained my record of never missing a Weight Watchers meeting since I joined and I still believe I'm better off now than before WW. That qualifies as "on track," don't you think?
After that awful 6.6-pound gain, I got back on plan and have lost it all and a bit more. I'm now back to where I was on April 11. Whew!
The irony of being crazy-busy, having fibromyalgia, and trying to lose weight is this: Being crazy-busy is exhausting. Exhaustion make fibro worse. Worse fibro means lots of time in my recliner. Lots of time in my recliner makes me hungry. Why? Because being exhausted and having a fibro flare means I'm not good for much of anything. Reading is difficult. Concentration is almost impossible. But eating? Oh yeah, baby! That's very possible!
So now I've seen losses two weeks in a row. I recall when I had losses six weeks in a row. I'm sorry I noticed it because I started the up-down-up-down pattern I'm in now after I noticed it. I might be on track for longer this time, though. I'm reconciled to tracking. Despite my exhaustion I'm thinking (only thinking, mind you) about how to move more.
And I'm thinking about how I sabotage myself.
One way I sabotage myself is with dinner. By the time I get home from work or rouse myself on the weekend to prepare dinner, I want what's easy but not necessarily what's tasty. Food that isn't satisfying tempts me to "cheat," i.e., eat quantities of foods I don't really enjoy.
Knowing that dinner is a problem, I've been looking for recipes that I can either make ahead or are very quick to prepare. Because I prefer to eat vegetarian, I'm currently experimenting with tofu. Just the experimentation keeps me interested and less likely to glom down fat and sugar.
I know better than to believe that I've finally found my weight-loss "handle," that doorknob that opens the way to effortless weight loss. But I've maintained my record of never missing a Weight Watchers meeting since I joined and I still believe I'm better off now than before WW. That qualifies as "on track," don't you think?
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Struggling
Last week was a truly awful week for weight loss. I gained 6.6 pounds. My total loss is down to 14.6 pounds. Obviously, I haven't overcome the mental obstacle I referred to in my last post. And at least I had the sense in that post to acknowledge I might not have gotten fully on board with the program.
Since I last posted, I've been up and down -- mostly up. This past week, though, was the worst. As I said at the meeting this morning, I did everything wrong. OK, so maybe I didn't do every single thing wrong, but once you read through my litany of mis-steps, you'll agree with me.
I tracked last Saturday and Sunday. So far, so good.
Then I launched into a work week of preparing to implement a new computer system. Our project manager flew in for the week and I was determined to learn as much as possible while he was here. Right. Little did I know that instead he would spend most of the week sucking knowledge out of my brain.
We met for breakfast on Monday then went out to lunch every day. We indulged in Italian sandwiches, diner food, pub fare, and fried seafood. I think I've fulfilled my potato quota for the next five years.
Lunch out every day should not equate to a six-pound gain, even as poorly as I ate. Four pounds, maybe, but not six.
The compounding factors were that I arrived at lunch famished every day because I hadn't snacked as I usually do. During a typical work day, I'll eat an apple or orange if I get hungry mid-morning or mid-afternoon. I was concentrating so intently that I didn't notice my hunger until I was well past hungry.
The project manager, clearly a sugar hound, plunked down large bags of chocolate for us to share (he also indulged in Pepsi a couple of times a day). I never succumbed to the chocolate temptation, so at least I did one thing right.
We worked late every night. That meant I never ate a decent dinner because I was too tired to cook. And it also meant that I didn't get enough sleep because I stayed up late to let my brain cool down.
And I got even less exercise than usual.
Despite all this and the 6.6-pound gain, I'm not discouraged. Struggling? Yes. Discouraged? No. I know why I gained 6.6 pounds this week. I also know what it takes to get it off and get back on track. I fully expect to lose most, if not all, of the gain in the next week.
Since I last posted, I've been up and down -- mostly up. This past week, though, was the worst. As I said at the meeting this morning, I did everything wrong. OK, so maybe I didn't do every single thing wrong, but once you read through my litany of mis-steps, you'll agree with me.
I tracked last Saturday and Sunday. So far, so good.
Then I launched into a work week of preparing to implement a new computer system. Our project manager flew in for the week and I was determined to learn as much as possible while he was here. Right. Little did I know that instead he would spend most of the week sucking knowledge out of my brain.
We met for breakfast on Monday then went out to lunch every day. We indulged in Italian sandwiches, diner food, pub fare, and fried seafood. I think I've fulfilled my potato quota for the next five years.
Lunch out every day should not equate to a six-pound gain, even as poorly as I ate. Four pounds, maybe, but not six.
The compounding factors were that I arrived at lunch famished every day because I hadn't snacked as I usually do. During a typical work day, I'll eat an apple or orange if I get hungry mid-morning or mid-afternoon. I was concentrating so intently that I didn't notice my hunger until I was well past hungry.
The project manager, clearly a sugar hound, plunked down large bags of chocolate for us to share (he also indulged in Pepsi a couple of times a day). I never succumbed to the chocolate temptation, so at least I did one thing right.
We worked late every night. That meant I never ate a decent dinner because I was too tired to cook. And it also meant that I didn't get enough sleep because I stayed up late to let my brain cool down.
And I got even less exercise than usual.
Despite all this and the 6.6-pound gain, I'm not discouraged. Struggling? Yes. Discouraged? No. I know why I gained 6.6 pounds this week. I also know what it takes to get it off and get back on track. I fully expect to lose most, if not all, of the gain in the next week.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Mind Over Matter
I lost 3.4 pounds this week for a total loss of 22.4 pounds. It's, um, been a while since I've seen this weight on the scale.
Was I happy? Are you kidding? I was ecstatic!
How did this happen? Oh, gee, I did something very simple (and very difficult): I tracked. Yep, followed the rules.
Am I surprised? No way. Since my first diet at the age of 14? 15? 16? I've known that the way to lose weight is to count calories.
The only time I did not have to count calories was when my thyroid "mal-functioned" and gave me energy and the ability to eat sensibly. Silly me, I thought I'd figured out how to keep my weight down and my energy up by exercising and eating well.
My thyroid crashed nine years ago and I've been trying to find a way to live with the change ever since. Oh, I've had some other physical challenges along the way -- Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, periodic leg movement disorder (a sleep disorder), restless leg syndrome, depression, chronic fatigue -- but the primary challenge as far as my weight is concerned has been mental. I just could not make myself stick to a program.
I joined Weight Watchers because I knew I could no longer manage my weight without help. And so I've kept at it regardless of the numbers on the scale because I know I'll probably never be able to go it alone again.
One week's tracking doesn't mean I've overcome the mental obstacle that has made it so difficult for me to track. Still, it's the most disciplined tracking I've achieved since I joined Weight Watchers in October of 2007.
Tomorrow I'm flying to Michigan to see family. It's a full day of eating challenges. I've bought, counted, and prepared a day's worth of meals and snacks that should help me avoid the temptations of airport food. Next I'll face a full week of eating challenges because I'll be eating out a lot while in Michigan.
I've just learned that I might not have Internet access for a while in Michigan. What? No eTools? Yikes! Regardless of how I do without eTools and what I see on the scales at my next weigh-in, I know I'll be back to tracking ASAP.
Was I happy? Are you kidding? I was ecstatic!
How did this happen? Oh, gee, I did something very simple (and very difficult): I tracked. Yep, followed the rules.
Am I surprised? No way. Since my first diet at the age of 14? 15? 16? I've known that the way to lose weight is to count calories.
The only time I did not have to count calories was when my thyroid "mal-functioned" and gave me energy and the ability to eat sensibly. Silly me, I thought I'd figured out how to keep my weight down and my energy up by exercising and eating well.
My thyroid crashed nine years ago and I've been trying to find a way to live with the change ever since. Oh, I've had some other physical challenges along the way -- Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, periodic leg movement disorder (a sleep disorder), restless leg syndrome, depression, chronic fatigue -- but the primary challenge as far as my weight is concerned has been mental. I just could not make myself stick to a program.
I joined Weight Watchers because I knew I could no longer manage my weight without help. And so I've kept at it regardless of the numbers on the scale because I know I'll probably never be able to go it alone again.
One week's tracking doesn't mean I've overcome the mental obstacle that has made it so difficult for me to track. Still, it's the most disciplined tracking I've achieved since I joined Weight Watchers in October of 2007.
Tomorrow I'm flying to Michigan to see family. It's a full day of eating challenges. I've bought, counted, and prepared a day's worth of meals and snacks that should help me avoid the temptations of airport food. Next I'll face a full week of eating challenges because I'll be eating out a lot while in Michigan.
I've just learned that I might not have Internet access for a while in Michigan. What? No eTools? Yikes! Regardless of how I do without eTools and what I see on the scales at my next weigh-in, I know I'll be back to tracking ASAP.
Monday, March 16, 2009
New Resolve
I haven't posted for a while because I've been doing so poorly. My current weight loss is 19 pounds. I gained three weeks in a row. I was definitely disheartened.
Then I did two things.
First, I realized that I've got to work the program. I just have to. There are lots of other things I'd like to improve about myself but I've decided that weight loss gets top priority. For me, working the program means tracking; as much as I like the idea of Simply Filling Technique (still a lousy name compared to Core), I can't seem to stick to it right now.
After last Saturday's meeting, I knew I just had to knuckle down and start tracking. I've often started the week with the paper tracker but never finished a week with it. I'm rarely far from a computer so I'm tracking completely online with eTools. This is Day 3 of my New Resolve and I've stuck to the program so far.
The second thing I did was to realize that I needed to treat my Lyme disease. I have chronic Lyme, which some physicians say doesn't exist. Well, maybe it doesn't exist for some people but it definitely exists for me. I continue to test positive for Lyme and I still have symptoms despite five years of daily antibiotics.
About a year ago, I decided I'd had it with all the pills and the rigorous schedule (four times a day, evenly spaced, no dairy or minerals taken within two hours either side of taking the antibiotics . . . you get the idea). So I stopped.
I'd been thinking for a while that I needed to do a short course of antibiotics to clear my system. Last week I finally finished up all the annual reporting projects I had on my plate and decided to take antibiotics for four days. It had occurred to me that I couldn't stick with the program because those nasty Lyme critters were interfering with my willpower.
When one takes antibiotics, many of the bugs die at once and release toxins that make one sicker than before. It's called a herx (short for Jarisch-Herxheimer reaction, first observed with syphilis patients) and it's miserable.
After four days of aches and pains and brain fog, I'm feeling much better. And I'm having no trouble sticking to my New Resolve!
Then I did two things.
First, I realized that I've got to work the program. I just have to. There are lots of other things I'd like to improve about myself but I've decided that weight loss gets top priority. For me, working the program means tracking; as much as I like the idea of Simply Filling Technique (still a lousy name compared to Core), I can't seem to stick to it right now.
After last Saturday's meeting, I knew I just had to knuckle down and start tracking. I've often started the week with the paper tracker but never finished a week with it. I'm rarely far from a computer so I'm tracking completely online with eTools. This is Day 3 of my New Resolve and I've stuck to the program so far.
The second thing I did was to realize that I needed to treat my Lyme disease. I have chronic Lyme, which some physicians say doesn't exist. Well, maybe it doesn't exist for some people but it definitely exists for me. I continue to test positive for Lyme and I still have symptoms despite five years of daily antibiotics.
About a year ago, I decided I'd had it with all the pills and the rigorous schedule (four times a day, evenly spaced, no dairy or minerals taken within two hours either side of taking the antibiotics . . . you get the idea). So I stopped.
I'd been thinking for a while that I needed to do a short course of antibiotics to clear my system. Last week I finally finished up all the annual reporting projects I had on my plate and decided to take antibiotics for four days. It had occurred to me that I couldn't stick with the program because those nasty Lyme critters were interfering with my willpower.
When one takes antibiotics, many of the bugs die at once and release toxins that make one sicker than before. It's called a herx (short for Jarisch-Herxheimer reaction, first observed with syphilis patients) and it's miserable.
After four days of aches and pains and brain fog, I'm feeling much better. And I'm having no trouble sticking to my New Resolve!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Doldrums
Lost 1.4 pounds this week for a total loss of 22 pounds, but this comes after a 2-pound gain last week, so there's not much to celebrate.
At today's meeting, a woman shared that she's going through a really hard time right now and just getting to the meeting was a major chore because she's gaining weight. She sees the numbers on the scale increasing and she despairs of stopping the gain. She, like so many of us, has gained and lost and gained and lost our entire lives. She knows she's under a lot of stress and depressed and found it really hard to hear people describe their successes during "sharing time."
Aside: Does "sharing time" have a formal name? Every meeting starts with it and people tend to focus on their successes instead of their failures. I'm blabby so I have something to say almost every week, gain or lose. I usually start thinking about my weight-loss week on Friday (sometimes earlier) and what I've noticed about my week. For me, sharing something reinforces the observations I've made. I'm often the first one to speak because I'm not shy about speaking in public and I know that someone needs to prime the pump. Okay, back to this week's meeting.
That resulted in a fabulous discussion that included a hug for her, tears for others, and a recognition for me (that I voiced, of course) that I show up every week because regardless of how I'm doing, I know WW is a safe place to talk about what's going on and I'll hear at least one thing at the weekly meeting that resonates with me.
By the way, I always weigh in because
I'm close to a major weight milestone for me (and have been for months) and I know I need to make a commitment to reaching that weight as a goal. The days are longer now, which always improves my mood, so maybe I can get serious about how to stay on plan long enough to see the scale hit the magic number.
At today's meeting, a woman shared that she's going through a really hard time right now and just getting to the meeting was a major chore because she's gaining weight. She sees the numbers on the scale increasing and she despairs of stopping the gain. She, like so many of us, has gained and lost and gained and lost our entire lives. She knows she's under a lot of stress and depressed and found it really hard to hear people describe their successes during "sharing time."
Aside: Does "sharing time" have a formal name? Every meeting starts with it and people tend to focus on their successes instead of their failures. I'm blabby so I have something to say almost every week, gain or lose. I usually start thinking about my weight-loss week on Friday (sometimes earlier) and what I've noticed about my week. For me, sharing something reinforces the observations I've made. I'm often the first one to speak because I'm not shy about speaking in public and I know that someone needs to prime the pump. Okay, back to this week's meeting.
That resulted in a fabulous discussion that included a hug for her, tears for others, and a recognition for me (that I voiced, of course) that I show up every week because regardless of how I'm doing, I know WW is a safe place to talk about what's going on and I'll hear at least one thing at the weekly meeting that resonates with me.
By the way, I always weigh in because
- weigh-ins are between the weigher and me, no one else;
- no one is ever judgmental about gains or losses (although I've heard from a woman who attended years ago that her weight and gain/loss was loudly proclaimed to others -- can that really have been company policy?), and;
- the feedback makes a difference. If I gain, it always gives me pause and affects how I shop and plan for the next week.
I'm close to a major weight milestone for me (and have been for months) and I know I need to make a commitment to reaching that weight as a goal. The days are longer now, which always improves my mood, so maybe I can get serious about how to stay on plan long enough to see the scale hit the magic number.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Back on Track?
I lost 1.4 pounds this week and 2.4 pounds the week before, for a total loss of 22.6 pounds. I've erased that nasty three-pound gain from two weeks ago.
I was delighted to lose weight two weeks in a row. And everyone knew it! How could they not? I let out a big YES! with a fist pump. I heard someone say, "That must be good." No shrinking violet, I, when it comes to a success.
I haven't lost weight two weeks in a row since the end of November. I haven't been at this weight since before Christmas. I'd like to think that I've finally adjusted to Momentum, but I know better than to be cocky.
In fact, I think I started to have trouble the week I noticed that I'd lost weight six weeks in a row. Oh yeah, I definitely was cocky then.
Last week's meeting was run by a woman who'd lost 190 pounds. 190! She wasn't much of a leader but she was inspirational. She's probably new at it -- last week may well have been her first meeting -- and I always feel for new leaders who come to our meeting. Kaitlyn is an excellent leader, my current favorite. She's funny, informative, and motivational; definitely a tough act to follow.
But, last week's leader asked people to commit to a goal for the coming week. I committed to not engaging in comfort eating in the evening after some very, very long days I had last week. And I stuck to it. So, new-leader-whose-name-I-can't-remember, thank you!
I was delighted to lose weight two weeks in a row. And everyone knew it! How could they not? I let out a big YES! with a fist pump. I heard someone say, "That must be good." No shrinking violet, I, when it comes to a success.
I haven't lost weight two weeks in a row since the end of November. I haven't been at this weight since before Christmas. I'd like to think that I've finally adjusted to Momentum, but I know better than to be cocky.
In fact, I think I started to have trouble the week I noticed that I'd lost weight six weeks in a row. Oh yeah, I definitely was cocky then.
Last week's meeting was run by a woman who'd lost 190 pounds. 190! She wasn't much of a leader but she was inspirational. She's probably new at it -- last week may well have been her first meeting -- and I always feel for new leaders who come to our meeting. Kaitlyn is an excellent leader, my current favorite. She's funny, informative, and motivational; definitely a tough act to follow.
But, last week's leader asked people to commit to a goal for the coming week. I committed to not engaging in comfort eating in the evening after some very, very long days I had last week. And I stuck to it. So, new-leader-whose-name-I-can't-remember, thank you!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Disappointed But Not (Very) Discouraged
I gained 3 pounds this week for a total loss of 18.8 pounds. Phooey. I've said phooey a lot recently.
My leader asked if my three-pound gain was worth it. No, it wasn't. I didn't stick exclusively to Core and I ate too much.
I had an interior dialogue with myself about what's going on. I haven't solved it but I do have some insight. Despite my best intentions to track, I just can't stay with it. Some of my resistance is to the measuring that's involved, some of it is to the detail that's required, and some of it is probably depression.
Still, after continuing my dialogue, I fired up SparkPeople and estimated what I'd had for breakfast. I was horrified to discover that I'd had close to 600 calories for breakfast.
Prevention magazine has been promoting a book a couple of its editors wrote, called The Flat Belly Diet. In the February 2009 issue they interview people who've lost weight and inches on the diet. The pitch is that the diet enables you to lose weight from your belly, which is bad for your heart. Looking closer at the diet, I realized that people lost weight primarily because they were limited to 1600 calories a day. If they are healthier it's because they lost weight and because the diet encourages healthy eating.
The diet requires four meals of 400 calories per day. That's what got me to thinking about calories. I might be able to follow that kind of eating plan. I've tried to eat a snack mid-morning and another snack mid-afternoon, but I rarely eat the mid-morning snack. I'm busy at work or full from breakfast.
I first went to Nutrition Data, which is a helpful site but required to much effort to get a quick read on my calorie intake. SparkPeople has a nice display that makes it easy to see calories, carbohydrates, fat, and protein. I suspect that I don't eat enough protein, so this is a good way to find out.
Nutrition Data and SparkPeople, by the way, are both free.
Weight Watchers' Points Tracker works well for tracking but it doesn't provide any nutritional analysis. And my experience at SparkPeople made me realize that Points don't have meaning for me the way calories do.
I hope this insight is meaningful and translates into controlled eating on my part. I'm going to plan my meals for the work week and count calories. At some point (no pun intended), I'll translate those meals to Points.
The weekly Weight Watchers meeting is essential for me. I'm struggling mightily right now and if I weren't going to the meetings I'd have said to hell with it and given up on losing weight. I wouldn't have given this much thought to why I'm struggling so.
My leader asked if my three-pound gain was worth it. No, it wasn't. I didn't stick exclusively to Core and I ate too much.
I had an interior dialogue with myself about what's going on. I haven't solved it but I do have some insight. Despite my best intentions to track, I just can't stay with it. Some of my resistance is to the measuring that's involved, some of it is to the detail that's required, and some of it is probably depression.
Still, after continuing my dialogue, I fired up SparkPeople and estimated what I'd had for breakfast. I was horrified to discover that I'd had close to 600 calories for breakfast.
Prevention magazine has been promoting a book a couple of its editors wrote, called The Flat Belly Diet. In the February 2009 issue they interview people who've lost weight and inches on the diet. The pitch is that the diet enables you to lose weight from your belly, which is bad for your heart. Looking closer at the diet, I realized that people lost weight primarily because they were limited to 1600 calories a day. If they are healthier it's because they lost weight and because the diet encourages healthy eating.
The diet requires four meals of 400 calories per day. That's what got me to thinking about calories. I might be able to follow that kind of eating plan. I've tried to eat a snack mid-morning and another snack mid-afternoon, but I rarely eat the mid-morning snack. I'm busy at work or full from breakfast.
I first went to Nutrition Data, which is a helpful site but required to much effort to get a quick read on my calorie intake. SparkPeople has a nice display that makes it easy to see calories, carbohydrates, fat, and protein. I suspect that I don't eat enough protein, so this is a good way to find out.
Nutrition Data and SparkPeople, by the way, are both free.
Weight Watchers' Points Tracker works well for tracking but it doesn't provide any nutritional analysis. And my experience at SparkPeople made me realize that Points don't have meaning for me the way calories do.
I hope this insight is meaningful and translates into controlled eating on my part. I'm going to plan my meals for the work week and count calories. At some point (no pun intended), I'll translate those meals to Points.
The weekly Weight Watchers meeting is essential for me. I'm struggling mightily right now and if I weren't going to the meetings I'd have said to hell with it and given up on losing weight. I wouldn't have given this much thought to why I'm struggling so.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Back to Core, er, Simply Filling
Two weeks ago I gained 1.2 pounds, for a total loss of 21.2 pounds. I was distraught. Well, that might be overstating it, but I was definitely upset by it. I had tracked, although I had not counted Points.
So I resolved to knuckle down and record everything I ate and count all the Points and measure and weigh everything, etc. That lasted for three days.
I hated it. I started to feel like my entire life revolved around what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat, how much I was going to eat, how I was going to prepare it, and recording what I ate. Arrrrgh!
Back to Core for me, which I prefer as a name over Simply Filling because 1) it's shorter, and 2) it reminds me that it's a whole-foods diet.
I get what Momentum is trying to do for people. And I like the greater flexibility in food choices that it provides (Flex was a good name but Momentum is OK, too). But my food choices lead me back to Filling Foods almost exclusively.
I rarely eat meat. I rarely eat processed foods. I almost never eat fast food. My meals consist of grains, vegetables, and fruits. I get dairy from fat-free yogurt and the occasional slice of cheese. Protein comes from dairy, legumes, and grains. I stay away from sweets. I sweeten with Splenda (and artificial sweetener) or erythritol (a sugar alcohol), although I do cook with sugar, honey, maple syrup, or molasses now and then. Stevia is too bitter for my tastes.
Where I deviate from Simply Filling is that I allow myself 100% whole-grain breads, pasta, and crackers more often. And I don't track my Weekly Points Allowance. I am now more convinced than ever that I have to find a way to lose weight without tracking/journaling/writing things down!
This weekend I made a batch of slow cooker vegetarian baked beans. Yum! It's hard to abuse beans because they fill you up so quickly.
This week I lost .6 pounds for a total loss of 21.8 pounds. I still have a long way to go to start losing regularly and to get back to my highest total of 27.4 pounds lost . . . and then to continue losing.
I'm still committed to Weight Watchers and weekly meetings. Without them, I'd have given up by now and put all the weight (and more) back on.
So I resolved to knuckle down and record everything I ate and count all the Points and measure and weigh everything, etc. That lasted for three days.
I hated it. I started to feel like my entire life revolved around what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat, how much I was going to eat, how I was going to prepare it, and recording what I ate. Arrrrgh!
Back to Core for me, which I prefer as a name over Simply Filling because 1) it's shorter, and 2) it reminds me that it's a whole-foods diet.
I get what Momentum is trying to do for people. And I like the greater flexibility in food choices that it provides (Flex was a good name but Momentum is OK, too). But my food choices lead me back to Filling Foods almost exclusively.
I rarely eat meat. I rarely eat processed foods. I almost never eat fast food. My meals consist of grains, vegetables, and fruits. I get dairy from fat-free yogurt and the occasional slice of cheese. Protein comes from dairy, legumes, and grains. I stay away from sweets. I sweeten with Splenda (and artificial sweetener) or erythritol (a sugar alcohol), although I do cook with sugar, honey, maple syrup, or molasses now and then. Stevia is too bitter for my tastes.
Where I deviate from Simply Filling is that I allow myself 100% whole-grain breads, pasta, and crackers more often. And I don't track my Weekly Points Allowance. I am now more convinced than ever that I have to find a way to lose weight without tracking/journaling/writing things down!
This weekend I made a batch of slow cooker vegetarian baked beans. Yum! It's hard to abuse beans because they fill you up so quickly.
This week I lost .6 pounds for a total loss of 21.8 pounds. I still have a long way to go to start losing regularly and to get back to my highest total of 27.4 pounds lost . . . and then to continue losing.
I'm still committed to Weight Watchers and weekly meetings. Without them, I'd have given up by now and put all the weight (and more) back on.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
New Momentum?
As I'd hoped, I did not gain weight last week. I lost .8 pounds for a total loss of 22.4 pounds. My current goal is to claw my way back to a 25-pound total loss.
Writing everything down made me more aware of what I was eating, as well as how much. I've started to measure again, although not everything. As I suspected, I need another week of tracking without Points before I can start working with Points again.
An interesting result of tracking has been my realization that I'm ready to give up Core. I think that a good part of my poor eating was due to depriving myself of too many things that I enjoy. I'm back to accepting that I cannot eat sugary foods; last night at a potluck I had a second helping of macaroni and cheese rather than indulge in dessert. In today's newspaper there was a coupon for Laughing Cow cheese, something I'd given up for Core; I clipped the coupon and put Laughing Cow back on my list of OK foods.
Maybe Momentum will be work for me after all.
Writing everything down made me more aware of what I was eating, as well as how much. I've started to measure again, although not everything. As I suspected, I need another week of tracking without Points before I can start working with Points again.
An interesting result of tracking has been my realization that I'm ready to give up Core. I think that a good part of my poor eating was due to depriving myself of too many things that I enjoy. I'm back to accepting that I cannot eat sugary foods; last night at a potluck I had a second helping of macaroni and cheese rather than indulge in dessert. In today's newspaper there was a coupon for Laughing Cow cheese, something I'd given up for Core; I clipped the coupon and put Laughing Cow back on my list of OK foods.
Maybe Momentum will be work for me after all.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Phooey
I've gone from plateau to weight gain. Something about Momentum did me in. In the past two weeks I've gained 4.4 pounds, for a total loss of 21.6 pounds.
Momentum threw me for a loop, so my group leader gave me the Week 6 booklet, which re-introduces Core under its new name, "Simply Filling." It didn't help. I was completely undone. Clearly, I'm suffering diet fatigue or winter blues or sloth -- maybe all three.
Between Christmas Day and my weigh in, I gave my next step a lot of thought. Because I obviously couldn't get back on Core, I needed to do something else. I knew that if I tried to count and measure and weigh, I'd fail once again. Remembering what I'd read recently about willpower, I decided that rather than trying to make a wholesale change all at once, I'd set my sights lower and start with a small change.
This week I've been tracking. I have not calculated or recorded any Points; I have not recorded my satisfaction level; I have not checked off any of the Good Health Guidelines. I have carried my Tracker with me and written down what I've eaten. I have also paid attention to how full I feel throughout the day.
I got on the scales once this week and was surprised at how much I weighed. It wasn't a pleasant surprise, but afterward I realized that I hadn't weighed myself at home during these awful weeks of weight gain, so the scale was just reflecting what I already knew.
It doesn't matter what the scale reads on Saturday, although I think I'll probably have stayed the same. It hasn't been easy to track everything so I'll probably spend at least one more week tracking before I start counting Points.
This has been discouraging and disappointing and upsetting. And when I get really down on myself I recall that I haven't missed a meeting since I joined Weight Watchers; if there's one thing I've learned in all this time it's to tough it out and continue attending meetings. That thought actually cheers me because I know that as long as I attend weekly, I'll eventually find my way back to an eating plan I can live with and that will enable me to lose weight.
Until then, though, it's going to be a long slog through deep snow.
Momentum threw me for a loop, so my group leader gave me the Week 6 booklet, which re-introduces Core under its new name, "Simply Filling." It didn't help. I was completely undone. Clearly, I'm suffering diet fatigue or winter blues or sloth -- maybe all three.
Between Christmas Day and my weigh in, I gave my next step a lot of thought. Because I obviously couldn't get back on Core, I needed to do something else. I knew that if I tried to count and measure and weigh, I'd fail once again. Remembering what I'd read recently about willpower, I decided that rather than trying to make a wholesale change all at once, I'd set my sights lower and start with a small change.
This week I've been tracking. I have not calculated or recorded any Points; I have not recorded my satisfaction level; I have not checked off any of the Good Health Guidelines. I have carried my Tracker with me and written down what I've eaten. I have also paid attention to how full I feel throughout the day.
I got on the scales once this week and was surprised at how much I weighed. It wasn't a pleasant surprise, but afterward I realized that I hadn't weighed myself at home during these awful weeks of weight gain, so the scale was just reflecting what I already knew.
It doesn't matter what the scale reads on Saturday, although I think I'll probably have stayed the same. It hasn't been easy to track everything so I'll probably spend at least one more week tracking before I start counting Points.
This has been discouraging and disappointing and upsetting. And when I get really down on myself I recall that I haven't missed a meeting since I joined Weight Watchers; if there's one thing I've learned in all this time it's to tough it out and continue attending meetings. That thought actually cheers me because I know that as long as I attend weekly, I'll eventually find my way back to an eating plan I can live with and that will enable me to lose weight.
Until then, though, it's going to be a long slog through deep snow.
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